About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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