I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?