when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder