I love black thongs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.