y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself