There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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