Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
