My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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