So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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