I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
