i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
