hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
