just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize