Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
