i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm always down for nudity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
