It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
false alarm, still single
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