dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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