Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
