just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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