We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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