man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
