Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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