I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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