We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
