just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
