Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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