Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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