foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
