I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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