Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
