So drunk its hurt
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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