so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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