Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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