I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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