so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
