Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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