it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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