Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
