I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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