she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
