something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
