After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
