I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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