i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Semen is not good for contacts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
