First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish my penis had a tongue
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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