I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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