Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
