Nicole vs. Life
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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