At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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