Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
