it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
