I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
