i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
