Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
