I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
