I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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