I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
