I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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