hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize