Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize