My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize