Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fuck appropriateness.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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