You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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