Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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