I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
