the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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